A Cold Morning in Delhi..

Finally Winter Arrives\m/

Me, Slumberland

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
but now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
why, I do it again and again."
~ Lewis Carroll

Lying on the bed while reading a book was a big mistake. Mind you. I do know that it is bad for the eyes but I am referring to something else… Merely halfway through the first page of the book had my eyelids drooped down under the weight of lead. In a matter of minutes, I was on my way to slumberland, again.

For some unknown reason, sandman has been preying on me recently, sprinkling sand in my eyes whenever I try hard to concentrate on work. I do appreciate him doing so in the night when I go to bed, but for goodness sake, not in the afternoon when I have lists of work to do or in the middle of a somnolent lesson. Why, oh why does he have to pay me a visit during unseemly hours? Argh! Does he really need to work overtime?

It is said that a normal person of my age needs no more than eight hours of sleep a day. But believe it or not, I don’t find it a problem sleeping for a twelve-hour marathon! It is either the statistic is disputable or that I am subnormal. Whichever it is, I prefer the former.

So, imagine my awe when my insomniac friend complained of being unable to go to sleep for quite a number of days when he returned form Goa during the holidays. To be frank, sleeping may be an indulgence but it is a luxury when you have datelines to meet. That explains why I was quite envious of my friend. Think of what he could do with the extra hours! Surfing the Internet, playing games, reading novels, writing blogs, going out for fun.

Meanwhile, give me an extra hour and I will spend the twenty-fifth slumbering. But i've had my odd "sleepless" nights(Tonight just being one of them). Having counted every animal on Old Mc Donald’s farm, from chickens to sheep, I still could not get to sleep. So, I lay on the bed from 1 AM (my usual bedtime) till six and was so nervous of what was happening to me. I felt totally tireless as if I had just taken a stimulant of some kind.

But then, that is just an unusual day out of the nineteen springs I have been through. Usually, going to sleep is no mean feat at all. The problem lies with trying to wake up. You see, sometimes I feel more like home in dreamland, or slumberland as I call it. Don’t talk to me about interpreting hidden messages of strange dreams. To me, the more ridiculous they are, the more amusing I feel. Imagine living in a magical realm where you can control the outcome of everything, or a place where you can defy gravity. Ha! That would surely make Newton turn in his grave!

The point is, in the realm of slumberland where the world of logic collapses, everything is possible and nothing is ridiculous. I know exactly how Alice felt when she was trapped in wonderland with a bunch of psychos. Father William stood on his head; March Hare reminded Alice that “it's very easy to take more than nothing”; the Queen demanded to “sentence first – verdict afterwards”. Everything is nonsensical and boggles the mind. That is exactly what makes a dream, a dream.

Finally!

Juz a status update for ppl who havent seen the real thing ;) gt the centaur last saturday and m totally loving the acclaim i'm getting for the great design \m/

1 Down 7 more to go! :)

To Do...

• Get a Tattoo
• Learn Swimming
• Horse Riding
• Finish pending Exams & Thesis
• PAN card
• Learn Shooting
• Change Job ASAP
  
• Go on a bike trip to Mussorie

LIFE - Just Fake It

Ever wondered at all the Fake people roaming all around you ? I have this knack of running into such... i cud write a whole encyclopedia on them without even have to strain a lot... sometimes it just makes u strong... but even then these fakers teach u somethings..


Lastest Learning : One Life.. Live It... Thanks N for the lesson \m/

Weekend Plans!

• Watch Jaane Tu @ 6:10PM
  
• Party - Le Meridian @10pm
• Dinner - Dhaba @ 3AM
• SLEEP till 1PM on Sunday
• Meet up with ex colleagues @ Hookah - 5:00PM
• Attend the Last Play @ IHC - 9PM onwards

\m/ Its gonna be freaking fun this weekend! \m/

It's a complicated web u weave inside my head, so much pleasure with such sweet pain.....

This thing called Life....

Life is all bout Lies... Lies is the fuel for living life... if u don't lie u are dead... i have tried to speak the truth to some people but they have never trusted it. Love & trust are the two most Useless, Fake and Atrocious words a person can ever use.. and people use it all too often... not realizing how much your words can make someone Dream/Live Life/Cry/Laugh...

I have always tried to keep people happy never succeeded may be the saying " The Fate of love is such that it is either too much or too less is true" maybe all the things i have tried to do for those really special was not enough for them to realize their worth in my life.. i can never blame them for all the screw-ups in my life, just for the simple fact that somewhere deep inside i still love them a lot :( i know i should not coz they were never mine... i believed all the lies all the words... maybe just maybe its time that i also should start behaving like other people in the world and should start lying about things and get my way out of them

Super Sick

Fell super sick this time .. almost all of last week was spent on bed. But then, if it takes a few days of sickness to get a hold of a few facts about yourself .. well .. may be its’ worth it .. On second thoughts .. may be not

1. Realized that there are medicines that can put me to sleep for 19 hours. Next time I am going home via train, I am taking them.
2. Realized that if I don’t shave for a week, I can easily get the part of Daku Mangal Singh in any day time serial with negligible audience.
3. realized that if I see myself in the morning after sleeping for one full day, unshaven, I can come pretty close to giving myself a heart attack.
4. Also, One week of not shaving puts me about 3 days away from the Jesus Christ beard.
5. The sensation of cold and warmth can be experienced together and it doesn’t feel good.
6. Doctors talk a lot, sometimes it’s good .. sometimes I just wanted him to shut up and let me go.
7. Maggi is super tasty when you are sick.
8. Learned to make different variety of Poha .. its called Water Logged Poha or Flooded Poha. Its not so good to eat, but the good point is .. you don’t need to drink water after eating it.
9. I can’t spoil Maggi … even if I am sick
10. I now know the entire schedule of programs on most of the channels .. it can be summarized in one word .. Advertisement.
11. The construction workers in my building are nice people, after I spent all Wednesday in fever, which kept getting worse because of their non stop bang bang down stairs, I only had to yell at them once to make sure they carried their work to basement.
12. Cricket matches Rock ..

ME...

I am a dreamer... I am Impossible.. I am outrageous... Sometimes even ridiculous... yet I make sense of it all... A self proclaimed Genius... A person who is proud to blow his trumpet ... Eccentric by default... A bundle of contradictions and yet endearing to some ....

Riveting Retrospections....

When everything was perfect,There was a little thing you left unsaid,And now it feels to be all alone and not believe anythingI got to open my eyes but in the wrong direction.Nothings looking quite so clear,It happened so fastAnd now this change is going to hurt.Watch as it destroys me,I’m going to stay this way foreverI never used to cry but I guess life’s unfair.And this would have to be the story of the year.
I'm Just FUMTUYeah FUMTU .FUMTU = Fucked Up More Than Usual .Thats always the case with me . I wonder why .Nothin goes right . Dont ask me why.I'd always remain the UNFORGIVEN ZEEROH
Thanks Blogspot for bearing my Grunts and Anger all the while :)

Love?!?!?

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

I hate love.

Those Special Moments I Wanna Spend With ......

* 2AM.. Bike.. Open Road.. Person i love the most sitting pillion & hugging me...

* Midnight... Beach... walking holding hands...

* Long Drive... Mild Rain... Car... Deserted Road... Greenery around... Bryan Adams & Atif Playing on the stereo...

* Walk into a restaurant/pub with that someone special...

* Share the same drink...

* Lie on the bed looking at each others face...

* That Park Bench.. Those Stairs..

* Go on a getaway to just about anywhere in sight and spend time all alone

I just Hope... Hope tht SOMEONE comes across fast... its been a long wait now.. i do LOVE someone and i cant live without her... i just hope she realises this :(

God Gimme Serenity or Gimme Death!

Random Thoughts!!!

I sometimes think that living is an entirely futile exercise cause everbody who is living will die. So have the people who came before us. It is like a production factory of babies, who will undergo more or less the same phases of life and face difficulties and be happy accordingly. could I find a person or a life of a person who must have lived before me just like me, So that I could follow exactly what he did when he was successful and abstain everything that he did wrong in hhis life. I am sure many in the world must have gone by almost like me, in nature and disposition.Is life a foolish persuit or a meaningful journey. Nevertheless women are a nice thing that God made. Without them I think everthing would be lifeless!!!!!!!!!!These are some random thoughts,i am not favoring or disfavoring anyone gender, just random thoughts when my mind is empty or angry over something i dont know....

It is ok to be unsure?!?

Ironically, I am not so sure about this – the diction “After all, we are just human” just disappoints me. I mean really – pay close attention to what you are saying. Read that line again – it is merely an excuse – and a mere excuse at that. We are human – hence we are fallible, it is ok for us to do mistakes – it is ok for us to be unsure and still act upon it.
I can see the intention – the good intention of whosoever coined this phrase the first time. Must have been some “nice” soul trying to console a rather uncertain one – caring just for the moment – hoping that a bit of false comfort would be pleasant for a while – till the whimpering soul can gather momentum again.
You think I exaggerate – trust me I don’t. This is the unwritten, unrealized reasoning for a lot of our daily activities. So much so has this gotten embedded in our system that it is almost a reflex defensive thought – it is our simplest way to be mediocre. Mediocrity isn’t simply in performance – it is also in action – it is in preparation – it is in lack of truth.
Truth – as I have iterated a number of times before – is the essence of life – it is the quest of it that should keep us going – And do not settle for truth as is taught to you – you know not the validity of your learning till you experiment with them – why?! – For the exact same reason – your teachers after all, were just human.
One might argue, that such an approach will push us back in evolution – I mean after all, our forefathers have gathered billions of years worth of knowledge and pushed it down to us via means of genetics, books, stories, urban legends – you think it because you were taught to think it – by mere humans.
Challenge everything – question it all – love your values for they will keep life simple for you when you can’t take care of yourself – Abandon them, question them, when you think that you know how to think for yourself. Why do you as a human need a larger force to recognize and bow to. You – you as man have conquered the planet – you are the supreme being – collectively, you can set new standards.
It is not just the Einsteins and the Da Vinci’s of their times who have changed the course of history – We all have had roles to play – know your role and be truthful to it. Be aware – push yourself, coz when you push yourself, you push society – maybe without realizing it, you are pushing someone else. Maybe you will be father/mother to the brightest mind ever, yet he/she would end up working at Dunkin Donuts just because you were too busy mowing your lawn to tell your kids about the virtues of truth and knowledge.
You are not “merely” human – It is not ok for you to be unsure, or for you to be mediocre – because you set the benchmark for yourself – set it high – the rest of the human civilization looks upon you to.

Why am I free falling…?

I have let myself drop - drown - it is beyond explanation - yet the simplest rationale is the most shocking.
I think I was bored - seeking a new challenge - I think I might be hurting myself for that simple reason - testing myself - testing my resolve and my strength. It is pointless since - I know I will pull through.
But wait… for once I’m unsure… Did I out-do myself this time…? Nah… I’m just hurting too much tonight.

Why I do not write more often…?

Reason it, rationalize it - if it isn't logical, then it is NOT true.
I carry the burden of my own expectation - I expect perfection.
I am not always true to my quest for the truth. This is no dramatic, cliched, philosophical truth that I seek… Do not mis-take it for that spiritual definition of seeking the truth. This is more a carnal, animalistic, minimal yet absolute desire to see the truths which are before my eyes - the truths that my education and knowledge prevent me from seeing.
Truth is the greatest of all morals - it is an anomaly in that shameful list - as it challenges everything else on it.

Rhetorical Excess…? Subtle deception…? Fib…? All lies…!

How much can you lie - and how well can you lie…?
Can you lie well enough to live the lie - ? Can you lie so convincingly as to convince yourself - ? And can you consistently lie long enough - to genuinely forget the truth - ?
Can you lie so well - that the truth which always was and still is - can surprise you - shatter your world - can make you mourn the lie - ? Can you - ?
I can. I have.
Subtle deceptions - incomplete information - selective information - quiet influence on how to process that information - to set perceptions - to mould a perception - All lies - all brilliant…!!
Fear not to give yourself credit for it. It's just another thing you are good at.

Conscience… great word… great excuse…!!

So what all does man do to pacify his/her conscience. What a sorry state of affairs..!! Almost disgusts me to be human. How we are ruled by our consicence - and to what extent people would go to be able to sleep at nights.
"I must make a stand" - why? because I am educated..!! And the educated ones are supposed to have a stand - I must express my approval or disapproval about the issue at hand. Hmm.. so what shall it be today. Lets see - what is in… What side are more of my people/friends on. After all - if I choose what most of my friends chose, then it would help daily dinner conversations rt!! And of course - will increase my "respect" in the group. Damn.. why did I not think of this before - this issue is the best thing that could have happened to my social billing. So where was I - ah… my own point of view… Yes. This is my path - oh wait - now can I beat the others to sending an e-mail or writing a blog post about it…
Spineless… Hypocrites. Your brain is dead - YOU are dead. Your existence is meaningless and a mere statistic.

Directionless

My dilemma is either my realization of something dark and cynical - or I'm just having a bad day… er month.
Every single soul has posed this question to him/herself at some point of their lives - what is the purpose of my existence? I'll go a step ahead - what is the purpose of all existence?
One of my favorite phrases of all time has been - "Don't sit around waiting for the greater meaning of life - or for any underlying truth - life is simple - it is now - this is it - and it's ticking away - going right by you - grasp it while you still can". So why is it today that I raise this question - am I not convinced with my own statement… I agree with it - what I am saying is completely truthful - but is definitely not the complete truth.
People find answer to this question in ridiculously fantastical things - God for instance - the whole story somewhat differently portrayed by each relegion - but eventually - it tries to answer the same question. Some are slightly less imaginative and go with the alien or science-fictional theories - and sometimes borrow images from the crazy sources like the Star Wars or the Matrix for instance.
"Borrow" is such an appropriate word here - these are all borrowed ideas - borrowed answers to rationalize our existence - to pass through each day - without questioning the need for your actions. And hats off to the ancient humans - these guys had the foresight to develop "rules" which would support this ignorance for millenia. Morals - relegious virtues - the path to god - to redemption - the sins - the mitzvahs - the truth - some went to the extent of defining the stages of life - "good" and "bad" choices. Everything to make one's life as predictable as possible. If we are all so brilliantly different from each other - DNA and all that - then why do we indulge in groupism - why do we borrow ideas - why have we been conditioned to think within patterns - sometimes patterns which counter other patterns - causing the momentary pleasure of difference.
So again - is it just me being cynical or is there something seriously wrong here…?

eeny-meeny-miny-moe:

I Prefer :
* rice over bread
* love over money
* personality over appearance
* appearance over money..
* candlelit dinners
* thai over chinese (food! wotelse?)
* lebanese over thai
* GOA above anything Else
* ROCK Moozic- Metallica RUlez \m/
* California over anywhere else in the world (God!! when will i be there?? )
* friends over girl friends /wife etc etc etc
* complications over smooth sailing mundane mumbo jumbo
* creativity over functionality
* principles over success
* Pepsi over Coke!! any day!
* cooking
* reading over music
* music over playing Comp Games
* mind over matter (couldn't resist that one)

you're my favorite because..

* comic strip: Hagar the Horrible
* destination: Dharamshala-- Himachal Pradesh
* poem: u've read already
* book 1: The FOUNTAINHEAD
* book 2: wuthering heights! sweeter memories go with this one!
* song: zara zara / I'll be there for U - Bon Jovi / Baby I Love U to want me --LOBO
* wisdom: this too will change / in the end, everything happens for the best
* pastime: chatting / reading / and more recently : blogging :D

if i could:

* i'd dance all night to that's amore
* sleep under the stars every weekend
* disappear for a week every year
* dive off a really high cliff
* kick every jerk that cuts in front of me on the road
* run a marathon of Alicia Silverstone movies *sigh*
* followed by 10 hrs of Alfred Hitchcock
* swim in a reef
* cook all my favorite dishes in one day and binge!
* go back in time and make all the mistakes all over again
* sing myself hoarse
* give crank calls to my first crush *sigh*
* get the number for my first crush
* plan a month long vacation with all my friends! *muah* i love you all :)
* make life hell for all the Biology professors on this planet!
* and math while im at it!
* take a road trip!
* rent a z4 and take a road trip!
* hold on tight to my mom
* get my gold fish back. i miss you!
* i'd be obnoxious - just to know wot it's really like!
* care a damn and do all these things before im dead and gone

Of me the way i am the things I do ..

I am the self appointed KING of Planet Plan. got a task at hand? no problem! let's begin with some planning! first. plan wot it is you need to acheive. then plan a 5 point plan to getting there. then a plan for the right way to do things. then a plan for wot you're gonna wear on d-day. i'd plan the hair, shoes and the rest of the paraphernalia as well.
and wot do you do when it's time to put the plan in action? you get goosebumps or get lazy or lose interest after all the long hours of planning and decide it was a waste of time anyway! but the whole planning bit was fun, eh? and you'd do it again anyday!
i've been doing a lot of thinking (you have to be a thinker to be a planner) and realised (or rather realised again) that i plan a lot but do little.
here's an itemized list of all that i've planned for (and i have pages upon pages of notes to prove this) but never got around to doing any of it:
* road trip from kashmir to kanyakumari in a SCorPio - rented / borrowed / stolen)
* jet skiing
* attending the jazz fest
* reading schindler's list (i've tried 5 times!)
* reading catcher in the rye (haven't even tried reading past page 1)
* teaching myself macromedia flash
* drinking 10 glasses of water everyday! (i'll start tomorrow)
* a very long long vacation to GOA with my friends
* visit rajasthan
* throwing out old junk (it's not junk to me, but since i have no place other than under my bed left to shove the stuff, ive been categorically asked to "throw that pile of rubbish out!")
* fill up my photo album with all the old pics i stole from my grandad (this was due feb 2005 for my parents 25th wedding anniversary on 7th Aug!!)

so you see, wot tends to happen is, you plan and plan and plan some more until you've passed the deadline and then all the planning in the world can't help you. the task that you wanted to complete is still not done; but now, it's become so huge, so monumental, so burdensome that you've developed a mental tumor towards it and you know... you just know that it's never going to get done!
the solution? rise like a phoenix out of the guilt of things left undone and with renewed zeal tackle the new ones in your way!
how to start you ask? by planning of course!